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Keeping Politics in Perspective

1001 INSULTS, PUT-DOWNS & COMEBACKS

 

By Steven D. Price

You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner. -- Aristophanes

 

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything.  That points clearly to a political career. -- George Bernard Shaw

 

Reader, suppose you were an idiot; and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

 

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. ----- Speaker of the House Thomas Reed of two fellow congressmen

 

Here richly, with ridiculous display,
The Politician’s corpse was laid away.
While all of his acquaintance sneered and slanged
I wept: for I had longed to see him hanged.
-- Hilaire Belloc, “Epitaph on the Politician”

 

He is racist, he’s homophobic, he’s xenophobic and he’s sexist.  He’s the perfect Republican candidate. -- Bill Press about Pat Buchanan

 

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer and remove the crabgrass on your lawn.  The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it. -- P. J. O’Rourke

 

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. -- Dave Barry

 

Any political party that can’t cough up anything better than a treacherous brain-damaged old vulture like Hubert Humphrey deserves every beating it gets.  They don’t hardly make ‘em like Hubert any more – but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway. -- Hunter S. Thompson on Vice President Hubert Humphrey

 

An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf. -- Ross Perot on Vice President Dan Quayle

 

When Al Gore gives a fireside chat, the fire goes out. -- Bob Dole

 

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. -- Abraham Lincoln on a political opponent.

 

His argument is as thin as the …soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had been starved to death. -- Abraham Lincoln on Stephen A. Douglas

 

Excerpted from 1001 Insults, Put-Downs, and Comebacks editedby Steven D. Price. Copyright © 2005 by Steven D. Price. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission Lyons Press, a division of The Globe Pequot Press. $14.95. Available in local bookstores or click here.

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